Martin Luther influenced me more than any other Protestant writer, especially in my Protestant years. Just before my seminary years, I was greatly influenced by his teaching. Then I was greatly influence by his life.
His main teaching was the doctrine of justification by faith alone. How liberating this doctrine was for me when I first heard it! God no longer saw me with all my faults and sins. He only saw me clothed with the righteousness of Christ!
In my first few years after my turning back to God, I earnestly tried to live my life to please God. I read spiritual classics from AW Tozer and Watchman Nee so that I could grow in holiness. But then came Luther’s doctrine that we are justified by faith alone. I no longer had to worry about pleasing God. God was already pleased with me. I was free to be myself.
This liberating feeling increased when I became aware of Luther’s life. Luther was a very complex man. He said some very wonderfule things, but also he said some very ugly things. At first, it came as a shock. Luther was far different than what I expected. At times He could be a very crude, using coarse language that would make a sailor blush. He had some very bitter things to say to others – especially when they disagreed with him. He said very hateful things to Catholics, Anabaptists, Jews, and peasants. He was a drunkard, and suffered with bouts of depression. At first, I was put off by all this about Luther. But then I thought – if God can use a man with all his faults, then certainly God can use someone like me! Luther was a living example of his doctrine of justification by faith alone. He once said that we were all mounds of dung covered with snow – which described Luther, a pile of dung merely covered with the righteousness of Christ.
Again, this was liberating to me. Luther was a man’s man! He took no @&* from anyone! He was an example of robust Christianity. He was no wimp! I started to pattern myself after him. I walked around seminary with a chip on my shoulder. When driving, if someone out of road rage gave me the finger, I gave it right back at him! I was not so preoccupied in holiness. After all, I was justified by faith alone!
I now see how Luther’s justification by faith was so contradictory. Luther did see a place for works. He taught that works did not cause salvation, but works were necessary as evidence of our salvation. Yet this was a bit confusing. Luther, as well as the other Reformers, taught that all sins are equal – there is no moral sin vs venial sin. Also, we all are still in bondage to sin, we will always keep on sinning. Also, Luther taught that it was a lifestyle of sin that indicated that one was not really saved. So if all sins are equal, then one cheating on his wife is no greater than one arguing with his wife. Both are equally displeasing to God. All that mattered is whether it is a lifestyle. According to the Protestant gospel, on could deduce that if one cheats on his wife just once is not evidence of a lack of grace for salvation, but one habitually yelling at wife would! And then, how do you determine what a lifestyle of sin is? How frequent must it be to be to be evidence that one has not been regenerated? Would a sin that is done once a day be enough to become a sign that you are not saved? What if you only did that sin once a month? Surely that cannot constitute as a lifestyle of sin! So a person who only commits that sin once month could still be saved! Right? But what if that sin is killing someone? Let’s say that once a month he goes and kills the first person he meets. Is that enough evidence that he is a reprobate? How can it? He only does it once a month! And, according to Luther, all sins are equal in God’s eyes! So a person who kills once a month would be in better shape in God’s eyes than a person who argues with his wife every day!
All this can lead to tremendous confusion. It caused me to be easy on myself and harder than others. My sins were not frequent enough to be evidence of a lack of salvation. I could always see something of a changed life in me which I could use to rationalize that I had enough evidence for salvation. After all, I did go to church and did read the Bible, things I did not do before my conversion! Also, I did pray - somewhat, but that was still more than I did before my conversion. Yep, I was sure I had enough works, enough of a changed life, to be sure of my salvation. But I was not sure about the next guy. After all, I probably did not know the other guy before he was a Christian. So I could not know if he did experience a changed life. Still, I would give him the benefit of a doubt, but usually only if his beliefs were similar to mine, especially if he went to the same church as I did.
So all this confusion made me easy on myself and harder on others – especially if they were of a different tradition.
Towards the end of my seminary, I realized something. I was less Christ-like than I was when I first converted to Christ. I knew enough of the Bible to know that this is not the way it should work. I realized that there had to be more than be a hill of dung covered with snow, as Luther once said we are. I recalled my AW Tozer and Watchman Nee days. I was growing spiritually back then – with the emphasis on a experiential knowledge of God and the life in the Spirit. I tried to read them again, but that did not help. I then decided to join the Assemblies of God because I knew that they emphasized the experience with God. It helped somewhat, but the Penetecostal/Charismatic experience left me dry when I encountered my crisis of faith.
I experienced this crisis for 15 years. I came very close to turning my back on Christ. But the Lord brought me back – through His mystical body, the one holy and apostolic Catholic Church. Through the Church, I found models for Christian living that equalized the effect the model of Martin Luther had on me – the canonized saints. What love they had to God and others! What ability to forgive they had! What humility they had! Of course, our ultimate model is Jesus Christ. But through the lives of these saints, I could see how to imitate Jesus Christ in different situations. I can see in St Maria Goretti, who was murdered by a boy because she refused to have sex with him and who forgave this boy as she was dying; she even prayed that she will see him in heaven. I can see St Thomas More; he had such moral courage that he was executed for not signing an agreement that the king was the head of the church, and yet he still forgave that king for ordering his execution – pledging his allegiance to the king before he died. I can see the humility of Ven Solanis Casey; who accepted orders from his superior never to give a sermon and never to hear confession; instead, he was nothing but a doorkeeper. And yet Casey used this to the glory of God. I can see the dedication of St Francis of
I am in awe of these saints, because I see Jesus Christ in them. These were the true models of the faith for me. Not Luther. From Luther, I did learn the importance of scripture and faith in God. But I also learned to be proud, arrogant, earthy, and authentic. These are qualities that the world emulates. But from the saints, I learned that I was not called to be myself, but to be like Christ. I learned from them to be humble, loving, and heaven-minded.
And from the teachings of the Church, I learned to be harder on myself than on others. When I look at another, whether he would be a Protestant, a Jew, or a Muslim, I should see that person as someone who could make it to heaven before I do. And yet I also feel that this person needs Christ and His Church. But that does not mean I am closer to God than they are. I remember the words of Christ – to whom much is given, much is required. Sure, I believe I have many advantages being a Catholic. But because I have many advantages, I will be judged more strictly.
One sin, if it is grave enough and it is done voluntarily and with full knowledge at how much it offends God, can send me to hell. This understanding keeps me from sin more effectively than when I thought it must be as lifestyle of sin. Beforehand, I would play games with God. I would sin once, or just a few times, but not enough that it to qualify as a lifestyle as sin.
I found out that true Christian liberty is not the freedom to do whatever you want. It is the freedom to serve God.
